Consumerism and Affairs

You may not have thought that consumerism has any connection with affairs. Consumerism has a great deal to do with affairs. When you and the rest of the public are used to being a consumer, there is a mindset created where you are always on the lookout for a better deal. The danger about looking for that better deal is that when it creeps into the marriage relationship, it can lead to affairs or the dissolution of the marriage.

I have seen the consumerism come in several ways. There is the ?Playboy? approach, where the consumer is treated to a new woman each month. When men buy into this mentality, they are often looking for the newer, more attractive model. The female version of this approach is looking for the man who is more ?romantic?. It is not by accident that the harlequin romances come out at the same pace or faster than the men?s magazines. The more of these items that you consume, the more you want and the more dis-satisfied you become with the marriage you are in.

Another variant is the Wal-Mart approach. This is where you are looking for a ?better deal?. The cheater wants either the cheaper, or better quality model. With consumerism, the cheater often want a ?new? thing since the fun has worn off the other one. It is easier to for them to find a replacement than to work on the relationship they have.

In previous generations a woman who went through a number of men was considered a slut. Now days, she is just ?looking for the right man?. The man was considered either a gigolo or a man-slut as he goes searching for ?Mrs. Right?. Or the Christian variant of ?I wanted someone who was a Christian this time?. If they are on their third or forth, they may add the term ?real? to the label ?Christian?. By playing such word games, they feel less guilt about their sleazy patterns and many churches give them an approving wink at what they are doing.

There are plenty of ways today?s consumer mindset has infected marriages and the excuses that are made for serial marriages. The tragedy is that in most cases, the multiple marriage are often the same marriage with the same problems over and over. They call it ?new?, yet in terms of what happens, it amounts to the summer re-runs of the same old relationship, with the same old problems.

In reducing the risk of affairs or keeping them from coming back, it is important to purge your marriage of this consumer mindset. Recognize that marriage is a special commitment and be willing to work through the issues, rather than trade in or trade up.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

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